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over the edge - 2000-07-04
It has been a long, long time since June 28th, when I last stargazed for your reading pleasure. And oh so much has happened since then, I suppose. Boatloads, and boatloads of possible content that me, as an obedient little Diaryland citizen, should share with all of you. All of my close friends, and the one or two Diarylanders who randomly surf on in here... It's a lonely, old night, and I have no one, really to put my arms around right now... So, I guess I am back here, typing into this pathetic box, cringing at this hideous colour scheme, trying not to 'accidentally' open Napster, and 'accidentally' start downloading more songs. Ich bin ein Diarylander... (although not for long, I should really stop complaining...) These are some of the things that happened in the past five days: Napster: God's gift to the broke music lover. Because of this sleek little application, I can virtually have on CD any song I've ever wanted, in any order I've ever wanted for free. This makes me happy, because music is half of my mood. Music is a gigantic, enormous part of my life. If music is not playing in the background where I am, than it is in my head. Thanks to Napster, I can diversify my internal jukebox. For free, too... I like that. Road Trips: I took one this weekend, and, not surprisingly, it was 50/50 beauty and shit. I maintain that it is impossible, with the company I keep, to have a road trip, a weekend vacation, without hard feelings all around. It is very frustrating, actually. I don't see it as a hard thing to get into a car, and drive somewhere, and spend time with people you love. I'm pretty sure, in town, we would have had a harmonius time... But, we were away, so for some reason, things were bad, and I might be soured on these little road trips for good. I have not had one, ONE, where I have come out feeling refreshed. Everytime I come out, a friendship has been scarred. Frankly, I am sick of that. I am sick of distance and nature seemingly exposing fragile surfaces in myself, and others... A road trip should be about fun, like that Tom Green movie, and not about hurt. It is sad, too, because I love the road, and I love watching nature fly by from the car window... But I think now, I don't really want to share that with anyone anymore. Sad. Creed: That's where I was, Edgefest 2000 at Molson Park in Barrie. To me, though, it was a Creed concert, with openers Filter, and special quests The Tea Party. Filter impressed me, although Richie was dogging it. Understandable, I guess. Too much partying backstage. Tea Party, too, was good, if a little drug induced. But Creed stole the show. Creed stole my weekend. By the end of this whole thing I was a searing ball of rage and angst, circa 1996 for me. I was feeling and saying things that just weren't quite me. And all of the foul-mouthed, shit-faced bands were just fueling that. But here comes Creed. I love Creed because their lyrics are inspiring and positive, yet not sappy. They sing about real things, not about sex and drugs... They have a similar spiritual outlook to life as me, and they kind of helped me reconnect to that, something that had been pulled out for a while, for some reason. I just felt good feelings rushing inside of me... Almost like a cleansing. I felt the emotion in the lyrics, and the spiritual power behind the music. Creed is good, yet still bad in that "cool" rock and roll way. Plus they really rock hard, too. This is something long overdue for the music industry. Sorry Trent, you still are a creative genius, but you don't bring all of that together for me. ---- Creed notwithstanding, the weekend was hard, and dark. A lot of my fellow trippers came out with hurt feelings, myself included, and they are still all sinking in today. I'm trying to figure out which cuts will leave scars, and which will heal. But today, I was extremely put off by the world. 5AM: (ICQ to bluepixie): Uhh. I awoke at 5:30, as I had to open the store today, which is rare for me during the week. Kiirstyn, I absolutely love the world at 5AM, because it is so quiet and peaceful, no one is around. But I don't feel lonely, because I know everybody is around, just tucked away in their rooms... I kind of feel above them, I kind of feel like I have one up on them... I am thinking and moving in their world, while they are floating through ones they create for themselves. I feel up above, I feel more real than I do at any other time of day... And then, there is really no one around to argue with me except the rising sun... I don't have to worry about other peoples feelings... If I bother the sun, than I stay away... I don't have to re-evaluate everything I do or say, just to make people happy. And then I worked, and I fell back into my own reality, and I went to the mall where I became very disillusioned with the world... I want to live in a perpetual dawn, with you and all of my other close friends... And everybody else comatose, dreaming of things that are unattainable. Something is spinning. Not quite yet out of control, but enough to make my vision a little blurry... What is going on in me and the people around me?
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