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smoking story four - 2000-03-30
K: So, that Quarth game? For our Game Boy? Isn't that the coolest, most addictive little thing? D: Pfft. No. That game is stupid. All you do is move that little penis around, and shoot blocks. K: That's what all games were like in the eighties. Except, sometimes, you'd move a clitoris. But don't you want to see what happens when you beat the level? D: I beat the level, and it just started over, only the blocks moved faster. K: But there was a fireworks display... Didn't you find that neat? Didn't it make you feel gratified for your tedious work with your nimble hands? D: Pfft. No. K: Well, how did it make you feel? What did you do once you beat the level. D: I think I threw my arms up in disgust, and went to have a smoke. Speaking of that... Let's go smoke. K: Will there be UNO? D: Yes.
K: Will there be Country Time Lemonade and Mr. Noodles?
D: Yes. So, what are you waiting for? Go buy the food, and set up the gaming table. K: You mean steal the food, and set up the upside down milk crates? D: ...yes. K: Sure... We have the best job EVER! ---- D: So, I've been thinking about the rules a little bit, and I think that the excessive, continuous fucking-your-opponent that Pick-Up Four cards provide, is way out of hand. Sixteen cards, I mean, you can't even hold that many cards without dropping them, right Skills? So, how about we put a limit on the fucking... how about only an eight card maximum. And I've- K: I think I like Kim. D: -been thinking that the red cards seem horribly under-represented, I mean, the person who gets the red zero, is pretty much fucked. I don't think there are anymore zeroes in the deck... Wait, what did you say? You think you what, who? K: Like Kim. D: Kim who? K: Stop being an idiot, you know who I'm talking about... D: Riiiiiigghhhhtttt..... Deal the cards. K: Uh, okay. How many? Seven each? D: YES, seven each! Have you no UNO knowledge...? You know, I like this job. Nothing beats playing UNO, and smoking... K: I suppose not, although, I'm getting paid for this right now, and you're not... But, whatever you like. D: Right, shut up... I tell you, though, I don't see it. K: See what? D: You and Kim. K: How so? D: Because you are you. And she is Kim. You have nothing in common... You work at a convenience store, and she is going away to become successful... It would never work. Wait, this is some sort of fucked up conquest, isn't it? K: Your lack of faith in my intentions frankly sickens me... How can you say such things...? I'm not sure what it is... I tell you, it surprised me, though... Just kind of came from nowhere... No, not nowhere, from inside of me. And I don't know what it is, but I do know that it's something. And not a conquest, Jerky, so don't say such rude shit. D: Ah, I see... So, "It is there between you two. You are forever changed because of who she is and-" K: You finish that statement, and I'll give you an enema with that lemonade. Why can't you take me seriously? C'mon, I'm smoking with you here. Opening up. D: Yes, smoking. Yes, a sacred moment. I have a feeling we're both not going to forget this conversation. But, although I'm still not sure I believe what you're trying to tell me, I sure as Hell am going to enjoy watching things unfold. This could be great entertainment for me... Pick up four. K: I'm happy you feel that way. Thanks once again for your faith in me. Thanks for your help, too. Your advice... priceless... forever in debt. I sure am happy that we are friends! What would I do without you? Probably be about ten IQ points smarter... Pick up eight, motha!
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