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the march nineteenth super spectacular - 2000-03-19
When I feel good, I really don't enjoy coming on here, and writing about how great everything is. Chances are, things may suck for you, and I don't want to be painting a rainbow all over your problems. You need to see your problems as they are, and deal with them. You don't need my paint slathered all over them. But I digress, a bit. So I'm feeling good. About everything. And I think I'm going to be feeling this way for a good long time. I feel good because I feel very un-alone. A lot of my life revolves around alone-ness: my job, my house... But as much as I'm physically alone, I finally realized how much I am emotionally together with others... I have really, really great friends. I feel good because I feel confident. I'm confident with everything going on inside of me, and around me. So confident, in fact, it makes me want to smile as things progress... Much like one would smile at a growing puppy. I smile at myself, and at others, because I'm so confident my puppies will grow up to be award winning, sitcom- starring dogs. This is a first. Lack of confidence has always been an issue. I feel good about this website. Rather, my Golden site, but whatever. I feel good about the places I am about to take it. I feel good about the places I'm going to take my writing in general. I feel as if I've almost found a writer's voice... I feel good about the summer. It is going to be the proverbial Bryan Adams' "Summer Of '69" summer, except starring me, not Bryan. Last, but DEFINITELY not least, I feel confident about my spirituality. About my place on this plant, in this universe. I feel well-adjusted and compliant. I feel comfortable. I feel thankful. I feel like the past is the passed, and bad experiences that still recently stung are now memories... Pictures in my mind, projected on my soul... They may not be the latest Gap style, and they may not fit right, but I can take them off, and put them away, and watch them, empty, and learn from their emptiness... The key is that they are not physical anymore, just pictures. No edges to cut me with, except for a really thin paper cut... The key is that I've let go of something ugly and smelly, and I'm walking away from it, but I can still see it from afar, when I want. Does anybody understand what I'm trying to say? ---- "It's not going to stop.... 'Til you wise up." No, it's not. No it didn't. And I just have all of those people to thank... The ones who taught me how to wise up. You know who you are. And, one of them is me. Wise Up! Suckers....
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