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escape is never the safest place - 2000-12-31
I suppose I just can't stay away... Happy Y2K! How COULD I stay away, considering that Y2K is coming to an end. Will this be the Armaggeddon Stargaze? Do I gaze upon a mushroom cloud? Hypnotic haze of radiation? Is it all over? You know, I don't really know what I want out of my web ventures anymore, actually, I'm not sure what I want out of anything. I do know though, that I am very busy, it seems, and with my, errm, busy-ness, I am going to walk too far, move too fast, that I am going to bury myself in the ground somehow. I moved in to my new place, but have had little time to enjoy it. I mean, this is really my first chance to kind of sit back here, and relax, and do some thinking and it's three in the morning, and I have a Burger King brick passing through my colon. Sigh... Reflections on y2k: In some ways y2k has been the best year of my life... well, in one way, actually, the love way. I learned and ventured into an area I thought I had either killed or disbelieved. It's kind of like when you completed the Legend of Zelda and found out there was an entire new world to explore yet... Last year at this time I was on top of the world because of it, last year I thought I was set for life with my new found emotional, uhh, awesomeness. The whole "my life rocks and will rock on and on and on" notion. The Inagadadavida complex... All good things come to an end, however I am thankful that it was not, nor does it seem ever to be love. Demons can sometimes urinate on things that are pretty and pink. The toilet here, when you urinate in it, the water turns green... I was in a car crash and I was never quite the same because I left my house every morning scared of death. And if one is afraid of death, one is by default afraid of life... I wake up scared and know that it will never change because nobody can choose to forget things... Isn't it funny that we forget the things that we would enjoy remembering? But the shit lasts with us a lifetime. Love can't always get shit out from under the lip of the toilet, and you can't scrub too hard, or else the love sponge gets irritated. I learned you can't rely on love to get by. The beauty of love is that it enables a perfect relationship between dependence and individuality. I still retain myself through it all... I thought that I shouldn't. I learned that you need God. Plain and simple. And I don't mean the old man on the cloud... I mean something more than humanity is capable of providing. I learned the depths of the soul. I hit bottom. I know what it is like to break out crying, and not really realize why until much later. Basically, I learned that I have forevermore to learn. I thought I should know it all by twenty, but I know far less now than I did Dec. 31st 1999. But in a way, I know more, too... Does that make sense? Happy Y2K. Cheers.
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