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jiggling variety - 2000-04-25
Jigglypuff: Jigglypuff is like the big, smooth glob of shaving cream on my hand, that I don't want to ruin by smearing on my face. Except he has eyes, and a mouth. And ears and feet. But no torso, sadly... As his name would suggest, he is a puff. Kind of like a softer version of one of those executive stress balls. He jiggles, because he has no bones. In fact, I have no idea what actually keeps him in his puff form. He is puff inside and out. No skin, all puff. If you saw Jigglypuff, and were a greedy, cruel bastard, you would either try to eat him (thinking he'd taste like one of those Snowball snack cakes), or you would try to squish him like a marshmallow under your boot. Or maybe you would try to roast him over an open fire. Poor Jigglypuff... His only defence is his hypnotizing Paul Jago-esque voice, which lulls enemies into a candy-coated, Christmas Eve like slumber. His only other defence is hurling his entire body at an enemy, which would feel something like being hit by a Nerf ball thrown by Jessica Tandy. As far as daily life goes, I would assume he just bounces around like tumbleweed. He is all puff, so he can't eat. He has no stomach, no anus. His only opening is his mouth, where the songs come from... but, but, vocal chords? Truly, Jigglypuff is an enigma of science... So, laugh at how asinine of a creation he is; God's practical joke on the animal kingdom. Then, catch him. Have him record an album, and then use him to top off your latte, because having him as a pet, or even as decoration, will get you ridiculed by your peers. Even if you aren't a greedy, cruel bastard, you have no use for him. He is all puff, thus he has no brain. Thus, he cannot register pain, and has no emotions. It's okay to treat him like how Kurt Cobain would treat a fish, because they simply just don't have feelings. --- Just sitting around trying to decide on how much effort I want to put into getting a new job. Financially, I don't NEED anymore money, but, sadly, I probably could find some use for more. And then I would have more time off at night, and then I could pass the torch on to Dave... for a little while. But then I would not be King Kwik Mart, with my candy crown, and tobacco palace. I don't know if this is something I want to stop. This is something that I want to keep doing, so that when Rolling Stone magazine interviews me alongside a highway onramp, in the eye of a hurricane, asking me about how I honed my writing talent, I can tell them that I was King Kwik Mart, that I wrote my first screenplay on an Ontario Lottery Corporation Silent Seller. Oh, wait... I am only Crown Prince Kwik Mart. Kevin Smith is King Kwik Mart. Well, nobody is original or unique these days... On that note, it has been a wonderfulwonderful day. The weather has truly been fabulous. I just kind of sat, and listened to the birds communicate, and carry on conversations about birdy things... This one flock of birds departed and left a lone bird just sitting there, all alone, and, well, I understood... Hooray! And then Cake came on the radio, and that was kool. And then I killed some innocent people via my PC. That was kool. And then I caroused. Kool. And then I said the same damn sarcastic comments I've been saying for years. Heh heh. Motha. I spent the morning with pink, and the evening with grey, and I wish I could have spent the time in between doing something else that I could feel industrious about... I think I may call squirrel for tea, or see if groundhog is free for a coffee at the coffeeshop. All of those people are my plants, by the way. Sigh. And finally: Y2K says: I don't really know what the hell I'm calling myself these days... I am so sick of being online, yet I have far surpassed my monthly limit for freaking May already... Oh, hey, did you hear...? I'm quitting smoking and eating crap food.... Indeed... It kind of makes me feel like the time that Shawn made a veiled reference to Trent who said something vague about Eddie... And then I stole a line from Douglas Coupland... I think I need to go to bed now, though, as I am not really sure of anything I have just written... See you tomorrow... Goodnight, thanks... --- Okay, enough of that. See you tomorrow... etc...
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