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dreams of reason - 2000-07-18
It's good to be home, in some ways... I never had any intentions of leaving the web for so long, but for some reason (understandably), Dustin's computer hated Diaryland, and would prefer to blue-screen, than ever spend any time there. I understand. I feel like blue-screening myself sometimes, when I read e-mails with "yee haw" in the body of the message... All I wanted was my freaking password. Dammit. It was a pretty short week, and a lot of fun. My job pretty much consisted of watering plants and picking up feces, which did not take a whole lot of time. After that was all done, myself and a various combination of others (I had guests!) would watch really bad cartoons, and drink beer. Very relaxing... The most interesting acquisition coming out of the week was my freshly pressed memories of "99 Luft Balloons", thanks to fishy's obsession... I always preferred "99 Dead Baboons", but I guess my tastes have changed with age. Anyhow, I left One Orange Balloon in Dustin's kitchen, and I wonder if I meant something by it, subtley... There is a deeper meaning to "99 Luft Balloons", isn't there? I've never really listened to the lyrics. Something to do with war, apparently... --- I spent a lot of time thinking because I spent a lot of time alone. When I think, I always tend to go too far, and I end up in the dark, dreary realms of panic and paranoia. I often think about the future, and I often wonder how it's gonna be. I spent a lot of time with Kim this week, and it was all good, but I think we touched on some things in the future. And it was pretty scary... My eldest brother got engaged this past week, and that just does not seem right. What seems even less right is that I am typically five years away from engagement myself... And then children, and then houses, and then mid-life crises and then sex talks and then graduations and then heart attacks and then... It still feels like I should be writing something in multi-coloured boxes, from a pink room. It still feels like I should be in love with something I can never have... I don't have any dreams any more. Only goals. Fricking, boring goals... I suppose I should concoct a fantasy, and write it down. We'll see what I can do.
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