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"paint it blue" featuring rob thomas of matchbox 20 - 2000-03-01
"I need understanding When I was twelve, I never thought I would be almost twenty. I never thought I'd ever be able to drive a car, let alone buy liquor. When you're twelve, you don't look too far in the future, and when you do, it is a fantasy. How many people, when they were growing up, imagined the year 2000 to have flying cars, and people wearing shiny silver jumpsuits? So, when I was twelve, and I thought of myself as a nineteen year old, I pictured myself as a fantasy writer, or a karate master, or a video game programmer... Or maybe the captain of the UCLA football team. Or maybe the lead singer of a heavy metal band, or WHATEVA. And, well, here I am at nineteen, and I still have some of the same feelings I had when I was twelve. I still have the same hairbrush. I still wear some of the same clothes. Not that I am disappointed. I like who I am. I am happy (stronger than never, ever before). But I let the twelve year old side of me down. The dreamer, the adventurer. I should be able to reach up and grab him a star. But I never really tried. I just assumed that one day I could. So, I'm now nineteen, and naturally thinking of myself at thirty, and I still fantasize, except they are realistic. But they seem too far away. A millennium away. I'm still a twelve year old boy. I don't feel no agin' I think I will concentrate more on what is happening right now, instead of the future. Because right now, is the pathway to the future, and that pathway is where all of the fantasies come to fruition, and where all of the new things become norm. If I don't concentrate on right now, my future will be bland. I have to write a story to become a writer, I have to take a class to become a karate master, and so on... Which is where I made my mistake as a twelve year old: I fantasized things that were in reach, but didn't reach. I just stood an watched, denying that I was aging, waiting for the miracle. I'm painting myself blue, reaching for the sky, and for the ocean. I'm aging, and things are happening. Yes. And I'm not going to let them just happen.
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