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easily amused - 2000-04-16
Snorlax: From what I can gather, this one is meant to emulate a sloth. He is a gargantuan, furry creature, with a Buick sized ass... Snorlax's eyes make him seem like he smokes a lot of weed, but I don't think he smokes weed. He might be tired, because it would take a lot out of him to move titanic body around... although I never have seen him move without the aid of wheels and reinforced steel. I've only seen him sit. And he sits with authority too, like Jabba The Hutt. Snorlax does not, however, have Carrie Fisher as a slave. It does not take a convenience store clerk to realize what Snorlax's name is derived from. He is a sloth, so naturally, he sleeps a lot. And since he is a behemoth, he snores louder than a Honda Civic with a souped up tailpipe. And of course, he is lazy. He does not move... He's got buckets of fried chicken stored in his rolls of fat. He likes cable TV. Hence, he is very lax on life. Snorlax spends his days watching Passions and his nights watching Rollerjam. He has a fridge built into the side of his recliner. So he snores, and he is lax. Snore + lax = Snorlax. Clever, eh? Eh? I don't see how Snorlax defends himself. I suppose since he is so big, blows bounce off of him. Pidgey and Fearow could peck him, and they would only get their beaks caught in his girth. His main weapon would be shear size: Immobilizing somebody with a fart, and then sitting on him. Pfft. Grunt. Splat. Gush. Who is going to clean up that mess? Snorlax does not evolve... he does not live long enough. Unfortunately, doctors can not get close enough to perform an angioplasty... Too much eating, not enough moving, so heart attacks are frequent. Some pranksters pasted a "Tresspassers Will Be Eaten" sign on his stomach. Aye, t'is true, tho. If Snorlax were human, he'd resemble a current-day Marlon Brando. This, my friends, is Snorlax. Be careful, now. He has a slight gravitational pull, he might drag you in, and eat you up. And unlike cartoons, there is not a strange and magical kingdom in his belly. Only bile, and assorted Moon Stones. So, steer clear. Snorlax should be admired from afar. But Snorlax fur is a valuable commodity. If you, or anyone you know has any, mail me at stargazer@golden.net. I'm willing to pay top dollar, for I wish to use it to make a fake beard. That's all. Happy snapping, catching and balling.
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