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strange same dogma - 2000-05-06
I feel strange. Today has been decent. The weather makes me tired and sticky, but I don't mind. At work, we have air conditioning (and probably Legionnaire's Disease...), and at home, I live in a pit in the earth, where I will have to wear socks to bed in the dead of summer. I feel strange because the weather is much hotter right now, than it needs to be. There is plenty of time for this stuff in July. Right now, we need some lovely spring breeze. The kind that air fresheners are made of... I feel strange because Mike called tonight, the first time I have talked to him in eleven months. I was just thinking of calling him again... We talked for about half an hour, and it really was like old times... None of those awkward pauses... None of those "why in the hell haven't you kept in touch"... I think him and I could go decades without seeing each other, and then just meet up, and still be tremendous friends. Yeah, if I ever were to have to re-enact The Straight Story, it would be with him. I'd probably walk five hundred miles with two bad legs to see him on his deathbed. Hey, that would make a really cool story... oh, wait... I feel strange because I saw Melissa again, and I didn't even go out of my way to see her this time. (Ironic note: Melissa and Mike both have the same birthday: one week from tonight.) Seeing her was entertaining as always, and quite draining, even. It always takes a good share out of me... She reminds me of a time when I was at my nastiest and bitterest. Of course, all of you gentle readers know that I've changed... She does not. So, she speaks to me like the hateful person I was, hoping that I can resurrect the venom that her and I shared over a year ago, and have a bitchfest. As much fun as that would be, I could not partake. I don't have it in me anymore. She is beautiful, though, on the outside... I'd like to be her friend, and maybe help her be a little less spiteful. Maybe let her take her hatred out on me... like old times. I feel strange, because Kim and I got food, and pulled over and ate at a picnic table, just off King St. in St. Jacobs, by the river, at eleven at night. I've never quite done anything like that before. It was romantic in kind of a cross-country-flight-from-the-law way, if anybody knows what I mean... Not that her and I have anything to escape really (not after Wednesday...), but still... I had not felt that way since Natalie and I walked from her house, and sat by the very same river, underneath the highway, and talked for, well, a good long time. That was almost a year ago, and the last time we really "talked" up until last month. Burned into my soul, I tell you. But I enjoy feeling strange. If I didn't feel strange, I'd feel the same everyday. That'd be shit.
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