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backwards into a wildfire - 2000-09-02
Today was September first. Eight months ago and a day from about this moment right now, I was walking home with a slight champagne haze on New Year's Morning. Kim walked me to the corners of First and Meadowlark. It was freezing and I walked partway barefoot because my new Docs were lacerating my heels. I asked her if I'd ever get to see her again... Tonight, I walked her to her door and said goodbye because she's moving two hours away tomorrow, and starting school again. I start school again, too, but it's here. How am I supposed to feel about this? Well, I feel sadder than I have ever felt before... It kind of goes beyond words. The next few days are going to be very hard until I get used to her not waking me up in the morning anymore, and used to her charm and beauty and love coming to me through only words and telephone. I'm afraid. How's it gonna be? So the next few days I will sit here and be mopey. I will look at all of her stuffed animals she left here, and the picture of us and every piece of furniture or decoration in this room that reminds me of her. I will sit and remember the great times we had this summer. Because, there is nothing bad to remember. For now, let me be sad. I'll get over it. It's not like she's moving to Wyoming. Well, I won't get over it. But I'll deal with it. --- The song: since you went away now I spend my time just making up rhymes of yesterday one is the loneliest number" --- Just let me be sad before you tell me to suck it up. --- So Kiirstyn leaves on Monday and so does Dustin and this is sad too, and certainly does not help. I didn't have this problem last year because I took all of these people for granted, and assumed that I wasn't too important to them. This year, though, I learned that I can't, and I am. And after just realizing this, I want to relish in it just a little longer. So, I'm not ready for it to be September. There was too much for me to learn in fourteen months. But I learned it, yet I need to enjoy it. I suppose there will be next summer. But nobody can promise me things will be the same, and we'll all sit at a table at the Plantation and talk and it will be lovely. I hope I haven't missed anything. I hate that. I used to cry when I missed the ice cream man, and I've never been too partial to ice cream, even.
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